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This weather is incredible...I know its been hotter than 36 degrees....I cant remember what that is in Fareinheit....really really hot....
I called in sick to work this morning...I had a migraine from hell and I felt so bad because there is never anyone to work...but I guess is worked out. Of course when I called the front desk was not put on "Nights" again and the phone did not go through to the nurses phone. A emergency waiting to happen...it really pissed me off that these things happen that jeoparidize peoples safety. This is also a place where I work like a dog for 12 hours....its emotional and taxing from every direction. The shareholders make money on our building but we are told we can not have another nurse to help us hand out meds to 70 people in the evenings. 70 people,,,,alone this is an accident waiting to happen.
We are all physically exhausted and have reoccuring headaches, flu, sinus infections and aches and pains. We are near quitting because we cannot handle it. ug.....
the guys worked in my yard all day and have almost finished my deck...I am so excited and looking forward to ( when it cools down) sitting and reading a book. I havent read a book for months....thats aweful. My head hurts to much to read and enjoy it.....I cant wait to have a BBQ and sit and sip some wine!!! My new deck is 20 by 22. and that is huge but it doesnt even look big in my yard.....i love that my yard is the size of a football field....
I am back to work tommorrow for two days and then two off. Next weekend I am going on a steam train ride with two of my friends. A couple of my friends and I have decided to have Christmas in the summer from now on...we get together for a weekend, its not so hectic and we can give gifts for the garden....fun!!!!!!
I can say I have been busyyyyyyy as usual.....I have been working over time and when I am done my shift I literally fall asleep in my lazyboy....on days off all I want to do is sleep.....' we are fighting for 8 hour shifts so we can have a life.
I actually have a week off and each day I need a nap...its sooooo hot out that it drains me. I have been doing nothing but yard work....planting, moving plants, moving trees. I had to get my friend to rip out my huge weeping birch tree because the beetles got it ......its so sad, i hate hurting trees. I planted a new one in its place, but it looks pitiful after our tornado winds a few weeks ago.
this week I am getting a patio built......yeeeeeee I cant wait to have a place to put my table and my swing...I love the swing....I could sit in it all day....I will have a dog run so Karma wont have to be tied up and I am building an area around my firepit to sit......less grass to mow...a good thing.
In my time off I have been sorting out more things and putting them in the car to taked to charity...I have finished painting my kitchen with new lino!!! and now I will have to paint my bedroom....I think a chocoate brown on two walls.
tommorrow I will clean out the garage.........
I keep puttering along as fast as I can....I get my friend to give me massage and acupressure....I am getting nerve pain up and down my arms now and I cannot lay on my right shoulder it hurts too much....unfortunately thats the side I sleep on so everytime i roll over ..I wake up. My dr. has me on a new pain med called tramacet and so far it is working really well. I can still function on it.....
I went away for a few days to Blairmore last week...check out facebook to see my pics, it was fun!!!
gotta go shower this dirt off from the yard..............
I have been painting in the house, rearranging, cleaning, putting up new blinds and all that organizing stuff that makes me feel in control. I have realized that if my house is not in order, then I do not feel I have any order in my life either.
I have no idea how that has any relation at all, but if the space where I feel safe and happy is a mess, I am a mess. Does anyone else feel that way?
So I was having a good day, loving the day off, loving the friends, coffee and watching the cats run around chasing things that are really not there.....my big male also plays fetch endlessly, he has his own little pink balls he can fit in his mouth...anyway my Uncle called back. I was thinking about going up to Edmonton to visit family, to touch base with friends that I have not seen in years and my Uncle again asks why I have my mother locked up...
Have her locked up? What the hell. She was put in a secure unit when she had her stroke 3 years ago because she would wander off in the middle of the night and he thought then that we just locked her up so we could steal her stuff. I felt like shit then and I feel the same now. I had the courage to ask him if he thought that I did not do right by her, because that is the way it seemed when he told my mom she could live wherever she wanted, contacted the dr. and saw the lawyer behind my back because he thought I didnt make a good enough power of attorney. Not as if that was a kick in the teeth, he still rants that she go the short end of the stick. That obviously we live in a small hick town that does not have the care that Edmonton does, because he knows because he took care of his aunt and she has dementia and can live in an assisted living place. He states that they help people there that have strokes and everyone should be better within a year.
Through my tears I tell him she attends a day program twice a week, once a week outings, and daily programs where she lives besides my taking her out. I actually him if he thinks I didnt do right by my mom and he says we better not talk about it, it was obviously the doctors decision here.
It sucked my good day out because I was trying to reach out to the only other person who was close to my dad, who spent time with us all the time on the farm. I thought i respected him, and thats gone out the window.
I hope tommorrow wil be sunny.
I love the spring...I love the smell of the rain, the green grass sprouting through,,, the birds singing again. Its strange that also this time of year that I get a little bit sad that I will not be planning summer vacations with someone else...but on my own if at all. boo hoo
I guess I am missing having someone around...but I also choose not to have someone with me...My choice so its my troubles....
Of course this is still a growth period because I believe that a person cannot start a relationship until they are comfortable with themselves......lol will that ever happen? seriously??? ha haa
I have been saying no to those guys who I would normally say yes to...a start...but will a normal one every come along?....hmmmmm
There is Shelley , Ida, sisters Lana and Lori laughing over the food, Suzanne, Carla,the next Three are Darwin then Darwin and Lori together. .....Ida, Shelley and Andrew, Sandy and Suzanne, Carla...and the next 3 I am teaching little Ella to put stickers on her daddies face!! Ida trying to hold Karma still...a hard job to do, Sandy teasing Karma, Me doing dishes and then Ida and Andrew escaping with Christmas loot.......woo hoo
This is Christmas dinner at my sister in laws......The first picture is of my sister in law Marlene in a scarf that mom gave her. The next is Ed and his dog, mom waiting to eat, Marlene opening gifts, LeeAnn serving Jayna, Thomas and Marlene, Ed and Tamara and mom....notice everyones beautiful hats!!!
First, they invited me over and made a stocking for me with some painting tape......hee hee
There is a pic of me and Shelley...of Jon, Andrew and Shelley playing board games...Sherry and Mama Duck thinking of strategies of playing the games........and of course the things they put in my stockings........
Thats the funny thing.......they filled it with stuff from the house.....chocolate, perfume samples, wipes, tampons and deoderant.....cracked me up........lol
I love them lots....they are the family I have now.....
I believe each year brings us new hope, failures, lessons, happiness and sadness. For me, I know that my personal learning goes in cycles of lessons more than just one lesson at a time.
Its the stagnant moments that teach me to sit quiet ( and this is veeeeery hard for me to do!) and reflect on the direction that life has went. I learned a very long time ago that life is not predictable, does 360 degrees in a heartbeat, and being stubborn about not wanting to change does not help the situation and is not a good ground for learning any lesson....
I lost a very good friend that I saw each day because she blamed me for her brother in laws behaviour. He wanted to date me, I said no, he tried to hurt himself.....She blamed me because somehow, I guess that was easier.
It was confusing, frustrating, sad, overwhelming. Losing a friend in a relationship, but not by death is such an incredible feeling.
A death has and ending, losing a friendship is harder to fathom.
I chose then to end a friendship of 20 years. She was so negative and toxic that I found myself getting headaches when she was around. I loved her dearly and tried to overcome the negativity by talking to her about it, giving examples of her behaviour, encouraging her to be positive, supporting her. I thought is was maybe me.....but everyone who met her also found her toxic. I left it open for her to contact me if she wanted to talk.....she would not admit to doing anything wrong or negative.
It was also a good year for friends.....Yoko was the second international student that stayed with me for a few months. She is from Japan and we still keep in touch even though she is back home. She even came back for Halloween here and there is pictures of her on my blog site. She is talented, charming and loved to learn about everything here. She really made her experience in Canada worth it.
My close friends have always been a great support for me in everyway....I am so lucky to have them all....
One of my friends, Tammy, moved to Georgia but we talk to each other every week. She wants me to come down and see her this year.
Shelley and her fiance Jon had me to there place in Prince George BC for a few weeks of much needed holiday in the spring and it was relaxing as it was fun. We partied, when boating, slept, ate, and hung out taking silly pictures. Its so wonderful when friends open their home to you. They are getting married next year and they having been dragging me around helping with wedding plans, Its been fun!!!!!! I cant wait until their big day!!
I have been wanting to go on a "girls weekend" for a long time and I finally said to my friends.....lets stop talking about it and just go!!
We did....Corrina, Lori and I drove five hours the town of Moose Jaw and spent the weekend at the spa...aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
We toured the town, ate rich food, soaked in the spa, gambled a bit, and sang and drank in a English Pub.........
I would go back in a minute!! I especially loved the underground tunnels of the Chinese workers and Al Capone.
Unfortuately my brother had cirrohisis of the liver and was sick and died within a week. He has three grown boys and a wife and it was a very long week. The hardest was telling my mother that she lost another son. She has had five children and has now lost all her boys.
Its been hard without him and his sense of humour......
Despite this, she is funny, gives me frequent wet kisses and still knows who I am ...she might not be around for long.....but things are good....
The lessons I have learned this year??? My theme???
My heart hurts but I know it will heal. I will continue to lose in my life and it only continues to show me the blessings I have. I know how important little things are. I mean I did before but some things now are even better.....Like naps and walks in the sun...
I have not wanted any new relationships in the last year, but have learned to foster the old ones, to reconnect and again to learn to sloooooooooow down and not move so fast. I even learned to have a messy house. thats new for me!
This year will bring more loss, but will even center me more...........
Happiness is a state of mind.................
Every year a section of Medicine Hat called Meadowlands puts lights up on all of the houses in the
Crescent.....
These pictures do not do it justice but each house has a theme and lights.....in between all of the houses in the center is a park and the parks trees are completely covered as well as lights shooting like water falls with music playing in the park...
Each year the residents of this crescent take donations for all their hard work that goes to the cities food bank....
Its incredible work and beautiful...really puts you in the Christmas spirit.....
What are you most grateful for in your life right now?
Submitted by Becca-Pink.
At this moment in my life I am glad I still have my mother, even though she no longer is the person she was before she had her stroke. I still have her to care for as she cared for me all my life.
